I’m a melancholy by trade. Ok, by nature. But man, if I could get paid for it…
There are good sides to this – I like to learn and study and think. I feel deeply.
The downside is I tend to see the “half empty” side of things easier than the “half full” side.
For instance – in January I made all kinds of goals. Does anyone else feel like 2015 went by faster than any other year in the history of years? Because all of a sudden it’s the day before December and I haven’t met any of my goals. Literally.
I came to this realization yesterday. After which I started making a mental list of all the things I hadn’t accomplished in 2015. And ended up feeling like a big failure.
Steve didn’t really sympathize, he just said “Well, maybe you need to make different goals.” And how I have three kids and I should keep that in mind when making goals. OR SOME SUCH RATIONAL TALK LIKE THAT.
Here’s where I came out after journaling, and making a written list of all the good things that were accomplished in 2015 –
1. I cannot compare
This is not new news. I’m constantly looking at what others are doing and wishing things worked that way for me. I KNOW I have my own marked race to run, but others’ races sure do look great. I’ve got to knock this off.
2. I can’t do it all
I made a gazillion goals in January. That’s not reasonable; it’s setting myself up for failure. I need to pick maximum three things at a time. Enough with this If You Give a Mouse a Cookie mentality. You know the one – if I’m going to try to wake up earlier to do devotions I should wake up even earlier to get some reading in. And if I’m going to wake up earlier for reading I might as well add extra time for journaling. And while I’m add it I should just try to work out in the mornings as well. And if I’m working out I need to eat better too. And don’t forget drinking more water… And then I end up doing nothing.
3. I want to choose what is better
This passage keeps coming back to my mind – Jesus is visiting the house of Lazarus, Martha and Mary. Martha gets upset because she’s doing all the preparations while Mary is sitting and listening to him.
41“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42
I don’t want to be worried and upset about many things. I want to choose what is better. I think that means learning to love Jesus with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I’ve been a Christian pretty much all my life, but I’m not sure I know how to do that.
So, I want to get reacquainted with Jesus. I’m not really sure what I’m doing in life right now – I feel torn in many directions. And I want to be pursuing what is best. He’s the best thing. I want to be pursuing Him.
Here’s my plan:
I’m going to be reading through the New Testament in six months using this really simple reading plan I found online. I’m also doing the IF: Equip Advent study (It starts today! There’s still time to join!) I’m going to jot down what I learn about Jesus in whatever I’m reading. I want to build a portrait of Him from my own digging in Scripture. I want to know for myself what the Bible says about Him – not what someone else is saying about Him. I mean, that’s helpful too, but sometimes, don’t you just want to find out for yourself? Whenever you’re reading this – you can jump in at any time.
That said, here are two resources I’ll be using as well:
100 Days With Jesus on Instagram (there are 25 days left!)
I love this list of names for Jesus taken right from Scripture, along with a definition of the name and a prayer thanking Jesus for being what the name means. It’s been moving to follow along.
This commentary has been so helpful to me in providing additional background and explanations I wouldn’t otherwise have picked up on. It’s easy to read and understand, and t’s edited by trusted theologians, including D.A. Carson – who happened to be one of my dad’s seminary professors (a little family trivia for you .)
In the blogging world, one should have graphics and cool names for things and a “build-up” time and all… I don’t have any of that. It’s just pursuing Jesus.
And I’m just saying – if you want to join me, I’d love to have your company on this journey.