Hi friends! It’s been a while since I’ve written here. I’ve taken a break from blogging for a few reasons.
My parents live overseas, and they were in the States for six months! So for six months they made our home “home base” while they traveled the country. In December they settled in for the holidays and all my siblings converged at our house for Christmas and New Year’s. That’s a grand total of twelve of us under our roof, and it had been six years since all of us kids had been together for the holidays.
I wanted to be able to savor the time with them as much as possible knowing it was likely we wouldn’t all be together for another four years. It’s a different life – having family a world away, and not being able to see them for years at a time. It’s costly. So this was a special time that I had to work hard to protect.
January = Hard
I know I’m not the only one who had a hard January… I get so excited about the beginning of the year! I love goal-setting and the feeling of a clean slate. New planners and Power Sheets… But this January didn’t really go the way I would have loved it to. It was difficult, emotionally, to say goodbye to family. And then some complicated situations made for a hurtful and disappointing turn in ministry life.
It’s hard to want to write from that place. And when things hit me so personally it’s hard to remember that I actually do have gifts, that I actually do have things God has called me to – and to get to it. I’d much rather curl up in a ball under my heavy duvet and hibernate for a while.
Waiting For Perfect
Honestly, though, the biggest reason I haven’t written is because it’s hard to pick up the pen again once you’ve put it down for a while. I start doubting that I even have anything worthwhile to say. I start thinking maybe it was a nice idea, this writing thing, but… And then come the objections – It’s just too busy, It’s not the right season of life, So many others do it better, You can’t do it perfectly so just tap out now.
At that point I’ve officially psyched myself out.
Do you do this too? Maybe not with writing… Maybe you’re a terrific seamstress or painter or singer or (fill in the blank)… I bet there is something you are so great at. But, have you set it aside long enough that you’ve persuaded yourself you can’t jump back in?
Here’s what I’ve been telling myself – I may never have the perfect flow, perfect order, nice and tidy applications and endings… Some things are messy… Some stories and experiences we’re called to live and called to tell, but we won’t know why until Glory. But I must jump in with what I have and tell them anyway.
I’m trusting (or maybe trying to trust is more accurate) that God has authority over my stories and over my abilities. I’ve said to the Lord that I want Him to renew my mind on these things. I’m not hiding under my duvet. I’m pressing into the Lord, and pressing into His Word.
And we only have this one life, right? Like Ann Voskamp said:
We get to live every day like it might be our last —-
because, yeah — one of these days, we’re guaranteed to be right.
So let’s you and me not wait until perfect comes around.